questo ho imparato

// this, I have learned

• If you can't fix it with duct tape; you can fix it with Betadine.
• If you want an Italian guy to come onto you, learn Italian and speak it with a cute accent, stumbling over your 'r's when you say 'tre'.
• Apparently I look German, Russian, Czech and/or Swedish, but definitely not Australian. It's the pale skin that throws them.
• I speak Italian with a German accent.
• If you want a waiter to stop being an asshole, ask him/her how to say something in their native language; suddenly they see you as an intelligent, thoughful, cultured person instead of a tourist.
• The best travel clothing in the world is made of New Zealand wool by Icebreaker.
• The best walking shoes in the world come from Singapore and cost about 7 dollars.
• The ugliest jewellery in the world is in Italy.
• People will line up for two hours at the Hard Rock cafe, rather than order a pasta dish at the good Italian restaurant next door.
• The French are not that rude.
• The English and the Italians are.
• You don't need a guide book to tell you how to get there, you need it to help you decide where to go.
• Even if you end up buying cat food instead of tuna, supermakets are pretty much the same anywhere and therefore are a great cure for homesickness.
• Siestas rule.
• All the beaches in Europe are pretty shit. Even if you think you have found a nice one, you will change your mind when the fifth plastic bag floats gaily past you and the umbrella man charges you 8 euro for some shade.
• Ozzie Osborne has brought a new song out, and he really shouldn't have.